Introduction
Let’s face it: sometimes, the siren song of fast food pizza is just too strong to resist. Whether you’re craving a quick and easy dinner, need to feed a crowd on a budget, or are simply looking for some greasy comfort food, the allure of a hot, cheesy pie from a familiar chain can be irresistible. But with so many options vying for your attention (and your hard-earned cash), how do you know which fast food pizza is actually worth your while? That’s where this definitive fast food pizza tier list comes in.
Forget endless scrolling through confusing online reviews – I’ve done the dirty work for you, meticulously sampling and scrutinizing pizzas from all the major players in the fast food pizza game. I’ve ranked them according to a strict set of criteria, placing each contender into a specific tier, ranging from the heavenly “God-Tier” to the downright inedible “Garbage” tier.
Before we dive in, a quick disclaimer: taste is subjective. What I consider a culinary masterpiece, you might find utterly repulsive. This fast food pizza tier list is based on my personal preferences and experiences, and is intended to be a fun and informative guide. Feel free to disagree with my rankings – in fact, I encourage it! The best part of pizza is arguing about your favorites. This is my take on the fast food pizza tier list and I am sticking to it.
So, without further ado, let’s get saucy and explore the delicious (and sometimes horrifying) world of fast food pizza. Get ready to have your pizza-loving world turned upside down!
God-Tier Pizza: The Pinnacle of Fast Food Perfection
These are the pizzas that transcend the limitations of the fast food genre. They are the shining stars, the unexpected delights that consistently deliver a satisfying and enjoyable experience. Pizza in this tier is often so good, that I even order it when I am not craving fast food. These deliver consistently on quality and taste.
Jet’s Pizza (Deep Dish)
Okay, I know Jet’s isn’t technically *only* fast food, but their speed and accessibility earn them a spot. Their Detroit-style deep dish is an absolute revelation. The crispy, cheesy corners are addictive, the sauce is flavorful and well-balanced, and the toppings are generous and high-quality. Yes, it’s pricier than your average fast food pizza, but it’s worth every penny. For anyone looking for a good pizza, this is a great choice. Jet’s really dominates on a fast food pizza tier list.
Excellent Pizza: Highly Recommended and Consistently Good
This tier represents the reliable workhorses of the fast food pizza world. These are the pizzas that you can always count on to deliver a tasty and satisfying meal. They may not be groundbreaking, but they are consistently well-made and offer good value for the money. When you don’t want to gamble, you want something from the Excellent tier.
Papa Murphy’s (Take ‘N’ Bake)
The beauty of Papa Murphy’s is the freshness. You’re essentially getting a homemade pizza without having to do any of the prep work. The ingredients are generally of higher quality than other fast food chains, and the ability to customize your pizza and bake it yourself ensures a perfectly cooked pie every time. This is the best option if you are looking for freshness in your fast food pizza tier list choices.
Hungry Howie’s (Flavored Crust)
The flavored crust is the real star here. While the base pizza is fairly standard, the addition of buttery, garlicky, or cheesy goodness around the edges elevates the entire experience. It’s a fun and flavorful twist that sets Hungry Howie’s apart from the competition. People love the flavored crust for a reason, it brings a new dimension to the fast food pizza experience.
Good/Solid Pizza: A Decent Choice When You’re in a Pinch
These pizzas are perfectly acceptable, but they don’t exactly set the world on fire. They’re fine for a quick and easy meal, but you probably wouldn’t choose them if you had other options. The “Good/Solid” tier is a great indicator of “It will do”.
Domino’s
Domino’s has made significant strides in recent years, and their pizza is now surprisingly decent. The crust is consistently cooked, the sauce is flavorful (if a bit sweet), and the toppings are generally fresh. However, it still lacks the “wow” factor that would elevate it to a higher tier. Domino’s has a great app and that can bring it high on the list for some people. It’s solid, but not going to blow you away. Domino’s is a staple in any fast food pizza tier list.
Okay/Average Pizza: Edible, But Not Exactly Exciting
These pizzas are… well, they’re pizza. They’re not particularly good, but they’re not terrible either. They’re the kind of pizza you eat when you’re hungry and don’t have any other options. These meet expectations, but fall short of exciting.
Pizza Hut
Pizza Hut used to be a heavyweight champion in the fast food pizza world, but sadly, their quality has declined over the years. The crust is often greasy, the sauce is bland, and the toppings can be skimpy. The atmosphere of the dine-in locations are in decline and the quality just isn’t there anymore. While their specialty pizzas can be tempting, the basic cheese or pepperoni is just average.
Marco’s Pizza
While not as widely available as other chains, Marco’s is a bit of a wildcard. Sometimes it’s surprisingly good, other times it’s just… meh. The inconsistency is what keeps it in this tier. When you are looking at a fast food pizza tier list, you want consistency. Marco’s falls short of this mark.
Below Average Pizza: Proceed with Caution
These pizzas are a gamble. They might be edible, but there’s a good chance you’ll be disappointed. Proceed with caution, and be prepared to lower your expectations. Many people have had bad experiences with these options, they may surprise you but likely won’t.
Little Caesars
The Hot-N-Ready is cheap and convenient, but that’s about all it has going for it. The sauce is bland, the crust is cardboard-like, and the cheese tastes suspiciously artificial. It’s a quick fix for a pizza craving, but it’s not exactly a culinary masterpiece. The biggest draw is price and ease. Most people wouldn’t include Little Caesars on a fast food pizza tier list because of the poor ingredients.
Garbage Pizza: Avoid at All Costs
These are the pizzas that should be avoided at all costs. They are the culinary equivalent of a dumpster fire, and will leave you feeling disappointed, disgusted, and possibly slightly ill. This tier represents the worst of the worst.
(Chain Name Redacted)
(For legal reasons, I’m not going to name names, but you probably know which chain I’m talking about.) Let’s just say this pizza is an abomination. The crust is soggy, the sauce tastes like ketchup, and the toppings are of questionable origin. It’s an insult to pizza and should be banished from existence. If you know, you know, but you definitely don’t want to see it in your fast food pizza tier list choices.
Judging Criteria: What Makes a Great Fast Food Pizza?
Now that you’ve seen my rankings, let’s delve deeper into the criteria I used to judge these pizzas.
Crust
The crust is the foundation of any great pizza, and it’s especially important in fast food pizza, where quality can often be lacking. I look for a crust that is both crispy and chewy, with a good balance of flavor and texture. It shouldn’t be too greasy or too dry, and it should be able to hold up to the toppings without becoming soggy. A good crust can elevate an otherwise mediocre pizza.
Sauce
The sauce is the heart and soul of the pizza, and it can make or break the entire pie. I prefer a sauce that is flavorful and well-balanced, with a good blend of sweetness, acidity, and spice. It shouldn’t be too watery or too thick, and it should complement the other toppings without overpowering them.
Toppings
The toppings are the final touch, and they can add a variety of flavors and textures to the pizza. I look for toppings that are fresh, high-quality, and generously portioned. They should be well-distributed across the pizza and should complement each other in terms of flavor and texture. Cheap or skimpy toppings are a major turnoff. A good variety of toppings also scores points, but quality is always more important than quantity.
Controversy Bait: Some Bold Claims
Okay, let’s stir the pot a little. Here are a few controversial opinions about fast food pizza:
Domino’s has quietly become one of the most consistent and reliable fast food pizza chains. Their app is top-notch, and their quality has improved significantly in recent years.
Anyone who thinks Little Caesars is good pizza is either broke or hasn’t had good pizza before.
Pizza Hut’s decline is a tragedy. They used to be the king of fast food pizza, but now they’re just a shadow of their former selves.
Conclusion: The Ultimate Fast Food Pizza Tier List Recap
So there you have it: my ultimate fast food pizza tier list. From the divine depths of God-Tier to the horrifying depths of Garbage, I’ve covered the entire spectrum of fast food pizza. Remember, this is just my opinion, and your mileage may vary. The beauty of pizza is that there’s something for everyone. What I look for in a fast food pizza tier list choice may not be the same as you.
Ultimately, the best way to find your favorite fast food pizza is to try them all and see for yourself. Don’t be afraid to experiment with different toppings, crusts, and sauces, and find the combination that satisfies your cravings.
Do you agree with my rankings? What’s your favorite fast food pizza? Let me know in the comments below! Maybe I’ll do a fast food burger tier list next…
